There is another thing that gives me a lot of anxiety. For 12 years I worked in the flower shop and was a floral designer and now when some of my friends or some of my family get married they always come to me first to see if I can do the flowers for their wedding. It’s just me, it’s only me, I don’t have a crew of people like a normal flower shop would so I always try to tell them that I’m limited on my resources. I can’t do big huge weddings, they have to be small and thank goodness most of them are. I get I have an account at a wholesaler so I can get flowers at wholesale prices which helps cut down the cost of my friends and families flowers and I don’t charge them what a normal flower shop would charge them. I just take a little bit extra for me and my time and effort so it’s always cheaper for them to go through me but it gives me so much anxiety. I have another friend that runs a photo booth so sometimes we offer our services in a package price if we both know the bride but with this particular wedding the bride had already paid a deposit to another company. Anyways, One of my friends is getting married in about a month and 1/2. I have all of the flowers ordered and all of the supplies for it. she is taking care of the centerpieces. They’re just gonna be pictures and candles. The only things that I need to worry about are the boutonniere’s for the boys and the bouquets for the girls, throw bouquet, some other decorations and some flowers for the cake table, the gift table maybe an hors d’oeuvres table. I know that I’m a good designer and I know deep down that she’s going to love the flowers that I do but that doesn’t stop me from having extreme anxiety over whether she will really like them or is just going to tell me that she likes them. I probably won’t be able to sleep the week before the wedding. I’m sure I’ll wake up at 4:45 every morning freaking out about the flowers. Whether they’re gonna come in right, whether I’m gonna be able to do what I want to do, whether or not she’s gonna actually like them, whether or not the guest at the party are gonna like them and the real bummer is if everybody doesn’t like them and people know that I’m the one who did the flowers, people come up to me all night long and tell me how much they love the flowers and it’s just way too much attention for me. Sometimes I want people to like the things that I do but I don’t want them to tell me that they like the things that I do. One of my best friends sister got married a couple years ago and this was the biggest wedding that I did. She had huge centerpieces, bouquets, boutonnieres, table decorations. The whole works it was seriously the biggest wedding I’ve ever done and I’ve never had more anxiety before a wedding but fortunately everything turned out great. Unfortunately everybody came up to me through the whole reception and kept telling me how beautiful everything was and that I did such a great job. Complete strangers coming up to me and was like oh you did the flowers?… they’re so beautiful you’re so talented it was a love-hate thing. I hated it but I loved it at the same time. I hated all of the attention but it made me feel real good to know that people love my flowers.
That’s another thing, I only do flowers for people that I know so I always go to the wedding. I would’ve gone to the wedding anyways but being the floral designer who did all the flowers and going to the wedding is such an extreme anxiety ridden experience for me. It really bums me out when someone doesn’t like it. People usually do end up liking the flowers and the funny thing is I probably would never do flowers for a wedding of somebody who was a stranger. That would just be way too much pressure.
So now I have a month and 1/2 left until my friends wedding. I have a good feeling about it but I always have a good feeling this far out. Once we start hitting the days that are closer to the wedding, then I’m gonna start freaking out about it. I know logically that I’m a good designer and everything is going to be great but….I don’t know. I can’t convince myself of that until the wedding is done. So for all of you that are reading this blog please send happy thoughts my way and hope that the flowers are gonna be great and I’ll let you all know how it goes afterwords. Thanks for reading I hope you guys stick around.…
So on my last post I mentioned that my husband and I were having a housewarming party and that I had anxiety and was completely stressed over it and that I really didn’t want to have the party. The party turned out to be one of the best parties I think we’ve ever thrown, the only bad part is that it started raining early in the morning from nine until like one thirty. The party was supposed to start at noon but we pushed it back until two because it was still drizzly out it was still drizzly out but it had stopped raining. We actually rented a photo booth to set up outside but we had to move it into the garage to be safe from the rain. We moved all of the tables that we had set up Friday night outside, into our garage which we had to clean up first and organize because the garage was a disaster area but after about an hour or two of hanging out in the garage it had completely stopped raining so slowly we started moving the tables and chairs and all of the guests back out into the backyard. The sun came out a little bit but then it would go back behind the clouds but it was still a very nice day. I didn’t get really hot because there is no sun it was just a little muggy, but we can deal with that that. There was so much food! Everybody brought a dish. We have plenty to drink, everybody’s showed up it was a really good time. All of our guests said they had a really good time. There were some of our guests we haven’t seen in a while and it was really good to see them others we see all the time so I’m just really glad that everybody got along because we had my family my husband’s family his friends my friends his people from work my people from work the majority of the people started coming around 230 3 o’clock and our last guest left at midnight. We had a bonfire, we had bean bag game, we had beer and lots of food. Everybody had a good time, everyone was joking with me about the next time that we were gonna have a party and I was like yeah right like maybe in five years we’ll have a party at my house again even though the party went really well I’m we’re probably not gonna have a party for a really long time. I don’t understand how people do this all the time! My parents have like three parties every summer at their home. I can’t, I can’t do that I could probably handle one party year at our house like that just next time I’m not gonna invite the same amount of people, just a few people at a time but I think we’re gonna have one more small get together because we still have firewood left over and I want to get rid of it before winter comes so I think we’re just gonna have a couple people over and have a bonfire hang out and then that would be the last time I had people over at my house for really long time. I hope you enjoyed my ranting and raving. Stop by again soon.
I thought going out in public and having to be around other people was bad, even worse is having to talk to people when you are out and about. The only thing I want to do when I am out in public is get my errands done as soon as possible so I can go back home. I most definitely do not want to talk to people. Any people.This is why I do most of my shopping online or I make my husband to into the store by himself and get what I need. I know that the majority of people are nice and probably worth talking to but to me it’s like more than likely I am never going to see that person again or remember that I saw that person so why bother with small talk. I don’t know you so anything you say to me will not have any baring on my day except to give me anxiety about not coming off completely awkward. It’s better for everyone that we just don’t start a conversation.
With that said, the only thing worse than that is having someone come to your house unexpected. If I am by myself, the only time that I will answer the door is if that person saw me and then I get them to leave as soon as I answer the door. If they didn’t than I will not answer. Sorry dude, you should have let me know that you were coming over. My home is my sanctuary and it is not to be disturbed at any cost unless we have previous discussed inviting people over. Then I just wait for the gathering to end so I can go back to my normal boring self.
Even worse is having to invite a complete stranger over because you have a dead tree in your yard and you need it taken care of before it falls on your house and kills you. This happen to us over the weekend. This was good and bad. Good because I was prepared for this person to come over, bad because this person still had to come over. Good because my husband was with me, bad because I still had to talk to him. Not that he was rude or anything like that because he was actually a nice guy, most people are nice. We used a local tree company and he was super professional and everything but just having to have him come out to the house gave me a little anxiety. I’m thankful that my husband took charge and did most of the talking, I was just trying to figure out how I could get away without it seeming extremely awkward. Fortunately the guy didn’t stay long, he just took some notes about the situation and we made an appointment for his company to come back out and get this tree taken care of. My husband works from home two to three days a week depending, so he made the appointment on one of the days that he will be home and I will be at work. This is one of the many reasons that I love my husband so much. Even though he thinks I am silly for not wanting to talk to people, he still tries to get me out of situations where that will happen.
Thanks guys for reading, hope to have you back!
Every time that I have to plan something I over analyze the shit out of it, so much so that I can never come to a decision about anything. I worry about all the details, I worry that some of those details will not be good for everyone that will be coming. I worry that guests will not have fun. I worry about who to invite and who to not invite. I worry that someone who is invited will tell someone who is not being invited. I worry that person will be upset with me. I worry about what type of food to make, should I have some people bring a dish? Will they feel obligated to? I don’t want that. Will they feel left out because I didn’t ask them to bring a dish? What about entertainment? What if my guests are bored? Do I really want to have this party?
The reason I bring this up is because my husband and I just recently bought a new house and now we are having a house warming party. Our house is perfect for my husband and I. We are minimalist. There is just the two of us and our dog. We live a simple life and don’t need anything for the house so we told our guests “no gifts”. When we moved we got rid of 2/3 of our belongings, we don’t put knickknacks all over our house. Just a few things hear or there, the majority of the items in our house are functional, we use them, they just don’t sit there and look nice. If it is going to be in our house it has a duel purpose. Our house is only 650 square feet, that’s all the two of us need, we are not the kind of people that need the biggest and best of things. So our house is perfect for us, we are actually saving to have a Tiny House built for us.
We bought our house in January and now it is July and we are having our party now so that it can be outside. Our house does not fit many people, so we waited for summer to have the party in our backyard since we have two lots worth of property. Going over the guest list is insane, I am pretty sure we invited to many people. I just didn’t want anyone to feel left out. We made it an open house type party, so people can come as go as they please. We didn’t want people to feel obligated to stay the entire time. I am sure some will, I just hope the majority does not.
We live on a dead end and I am having anxiety about where people are going to park. We have plenty of grass space for cars but I really don’t want my lawn ruined but does that out way having to piss off my neighbors because people are parking up and down the street? No conclusion on that yet. Really no conclusion on anything, we haven’t decided on what food or who is making what, there will be kids there and I have nothing to entertain kids of any age because my husband and I do not have any. So much still needs to be done…
We have all been before and have failed miserably. Talking to people with the thoughts in our heads running around and not be able to come out of our mouths properly. This has happened to me on numerous occasions that most of the time I keep my mouth shut. There are times though that I need to convey myself with others and I just hope that I do not make a fool out of myself. It takes me time to process what people say to me and then it takes me time to process what I want to say. This often leads to uncomfortable silences while the other person waits for me to answer.
Just the other day we had to have a guy to come out and look at our roof. My husband, Howard, called a local commercial roofing company to set up a free estimate to determine if our roof needs to replaced or just repaired. The guy was scheduled to come out on a Saturday around three in the afternoon. Howard had to work in to work in the morning and was supposed to be home at two but he was running late, he had a problem with a project that he was working on come up and it had to be taken care of before he left. I didn’t start to panic at this point. I started to get a little anxious at two fifty and Howard still hadn’t made it home yet. He had called at two thirty to say he was on his way home. The roofing guy showed up at two fifty five. Usually I love it when people are early but not when it’s just me there to carry the conversation.
I had to talk to this guy for ten minutes, just him and me before my husband finally arrived home. For most people this would not have registered on any radar to be a bad situation but for me this was one of worst things to have happen. Not because I thought he was going to harm me in any way, he was actually a really nice guy. It was because I had to talk to this complete stranger about roofs. Roofs, something I know nothing about and I had to describe to him the issues we were having. I tried to show him all of the outside and tried to keep him out of the house for as long as possible. The only worse thing is having a stranger in your house. Luckily for me Howard did arrive before the outside tour ended and I gave my husband the floor and pretended to busy myself with a garden chore so the two guys could do their thing.
My husband finds this situations extremely humorous. He is an extrovert and thinks that I am a silly person, he could never understand how it makes me feel, that’s fine though, because he is really good about being the one that talks to people. He felt bad about not being there before the roofing guy showed up. He felt bad but still laughed about it for hours afterward.
Thanks all, let me know what you think!